The Freedom found in not knowing
Growing up I was in a box. A box of many different identities, some that were mine, others that were placed on me. As an adoptee, I always struggled with belonging, and connection. As a child, I often felt confused. I wondered if there would ever be a place in this world for me. Wondering if I would ever be enough, full of wonder and fear. Those two core things motivated a lot of decisions I made, and things I conformed to. The desire to belong and be loved can fuel choices that at the moment seem right but can prove later not to be.
That’s okay.
As someone who is on a new journey with Jesus, let me free you with the words He has been speaking over me. It’s okay, it’s okay to not know, it’s okay to want something at one point, and change your mind later. It’s okay to be unsure, it’s okay to be in process. I never allowed myself to just be in one until coming to know the lover of my soul and savior of this world. Slowly but surely my life is beginning to unfold as it should, not necessarily maybe how I want it but how it should. There is a passage in Jeremiah that talks about us being clay in the potter's hands.
What do you think about when you think about clay? I think of softness, moldability, flexibility, and a willingness to be broken, thrown, and eventually refined. I love the metaphors God uses for things like a process in His word. It’s creative, it leaves room for discovery, wonder, and even a little bit of magic.
There are many things I don’t know, but there are some I do. I know that I am loved, I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I know that I am heard, seen, and known. Most importantly I know that I am a beloved child of God and in that, I have freedom. Freedom to dream, play, discover, try, fail, break, bend, and grow. My life is not defined by society's timelines or expectations, rather it’s defined by God, the king of The world, the savior of the universe, and the one who knew me before I was formed in my mother's womb.
Photos taken in New York
December, 2024
