God With Us

I have spent time blaming God for suffering. I have thrown fists, curse words, and even threatened to walk away, all while still saying “God help me.” 

In the last four years of my walk with Jesus, I have come to understand His deep love for the one who suffers. His comfort, His hand, and His provision. God does not delight in our suffering, but He does not always take it away. I remember when I came to Jesus I had asked Him to heal me. At the time I thought that healing would be smooth, easy, and in my timing. Four years later I can say, that’s not the case because the way God heals is better than what I have in mind. 

God cares about the wholeness of our hearts, minds, and the restoration of identity. He cares about the words that have been spoken over you, He cares about the ways others have hurt you, but He also cares about what you’ve done to others, what you’ve said to others, and He wants to redeem it all. 

I’ve mentioned this many times, my broken choices, my neglect of others, and the sorrow of my own heart, but I often fail to mention how God has been with me. See, the love of God is profound in that He is with us. A savior who loves well, is a savior who knows how to be with us. That is one thing God does very well. I’ve come to discover that it does not often look like what we think it will, it won’t be most of the time the way we want it, because God mentions “His ways are higher than our ways” God is outside of time and space, so I have started to ask myself, Who am I to question His version of grace? 

I am small, but mighty in His hands, I am weak, but strong in His strength, I am broken, but whole in His arms. I am dependent on the One who cares the most about the brokenness of this world. After a long week of distress and let’s be real, complaining and questioning God. I silenced the noise in my soul and asked God to speak. He did. He led me to Job 36. Job 36 starts with “God is mighty, But He does not despise anyone.” Elihu is speaking to Job in His suffering, Elihu goes on to say in Job 36:16 “God is leading you away from danger or in another translation He’s wooing you to a place free from distress.” He is setting your table with the best food, But you are obsessed with whether the godless will be judged.” I took this for myself as “Lily, God is wooing you with His love, God is pulling you closer, God is redeeming your life, but you are obsessed with how, when, and why.” Blaming God for our pasts, asking Him why something happened, and lamenting over our pain can only take us so far. 

Please hear me, I am not saying don’t lament, don’t weep before the comforter, don’t grieve your loss, but what I am saying and what God has said to me is eventually. It’s time to get up, it’s time to move forward, it’s time to lead others to the life-changing love you’ve experienced, it’s time to go. If I were to wait until my version of redemption was fulfilled, or my vision of wholeness and healing came to be I would never experience the God of all of those things, and I would never try to help others. 

Am I where I long to be? No, do I have all my dreams and wishes fulfilled? No. Do I still grieve? Yes. Do I still get angry and ask questions? Yes. Do I still wish certain things could have been different? Yes. But I choose to move forward, to weep before the comforter and continue to get up, and to ask questions all while still asking for more faith. I have the lover of my soul and the guide of my feet on my side and I am truly starting to understand what it means to lack no good thing, to know that He is for me, not against me, to know that I am seen, and know that redemption is coming for me. Jesus longs for you friend, you who suffer, you who lament, you who wish things could have been so different, He longs for you. He wants to hold you, care for, and redeem you. 

When I got down on my knees in my apartment four years ago, He was there, because He had been waiting. I don’t know what your story is, I don’t know what you’ve walked through, and I will not begin to speak to your pain, but I will point you to the only One who knows it and who can heal it. He has good things for you, He has green pastures, streams of still waters, and a new identity for you. He calls you by name so He can call you, Daughter, Son, Beloved, Chosen, Known, Seen, Held, Loved. 

You’re not too far gone for Him, He’s right there, waiting for you to embrace Him the way He’s already embracing you. 

Matthew 11:28 - “Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest.”